Dear Husband

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't care about me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.



P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!



Your EX-Wife







Dear Ex-Wife


Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from
me.

So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.



Signed Rich As Hell and Free!
> >

Asian Kids Pictures

BEATITUDE FOR EDUCATORS

Blessed are you who are called to educate

For you walk in the footsteps of the Master.

Blessed are you who sow peace and harmony

In the staffroom,

Yours will be the joy of the Lord.

Blessed are you who plant seeds of hope

In youthful hearts,

For you inherit the dawn.

Blessed are you who are sensitive

To the cries of youth today,

For they yearn for the coming of My kingdom.

Blessed are you when you share

Your faith with others,

For your name is written in My Heart.

Blessed are you who anguish now

Because your students are difficult,

For one day they will thank you for your loving concern.

Blessed are you when efficiency

Is moderated by compassion and empathy,

For the deeper secret of education is yours.

Blessed are you when you reach out to me

In your students,

For you will surely find me and rejoice.

Blessed are you who lead young people

In paths of justice and peace,

For you will shine like stars for all eternity.

The 3 Priests and a Lady

Three priests were in a railroad station on their way home to Pittsburgh. Behind the ticket counter was a very sexy, shapely, well endowed woman wearing a very tight, skimpy sweater.
She made the three priests very nervous, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.

The first priest approached the window. "Young lady, I would like three pickets to titsburg."
He completely lost his composure and fled.

The second priest goes to the window. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I would like the change in nipples and dimes." Mortified, he too fled.

"Morons...." the third priest mutters and moves to the window.
"Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I would like the change in nickels and dimes.
And, if you insist on dressing like that, when you get to the pearly gates, St. Finger's going to shake his Peter at you."

They took the bus.

Learn from MISTAKES

But never repeat!

Hate Letter Against Filipinos

Please take time to read this. masyadong mahangin ang ulo ni Art Bell to conclude and give nasty statements to us Filipinos.
Hate Letter Against Filipinos

Please take time to read this, most especially the bottom part, PATRICIA EVANGELISTA's (19 year old Filipina) speech that won in a WORLD competition in London.

This is a hate letter coming from a radio talk show host Mr. Art Bell from Nevada. I dont consider myself as patriotic but please read my reply below in BOLD LETTERS and send this to as many of your friends as possible

until it reaches him.

Subject: HATE LETTER

This is a very disturbing open E-mail letter to all Filipinos around the world; specially here in North America!, from a man who has the power to reach millions of people. (he's a radio talk host)

Please read on..............

This is an open letter email by Art Bell, a radio talk show host in Nevada(more info in the email itself). Here is yet another person who has taken; advantage of his power and privilege to use hateful words and racial stereotypes that breed further ignorance and intolerance in our society.

Art Bell is a talk radio host who has two shows that he broadcasts from his home in Nevada, that is rebroadcast by 400 stations across the country.

He's written 2 books. He lived in Okinawa, Japan for some years and had a radio program on the English station here. And, though it's hard to believe after reading the following letter from him, he actually has been to the Philippines (he's traveled fairly extensively around the world).

Check out his website listed at the end to get a glimpse at this fool who's spreading this hateful ignorance. And check his wife as well. This letter is so degrading, I think it's really important that everybody read this and not attack him, but respond to him in a civilized manner because otherwise his thoughts will be reaffirmed. Understand that not everyone has a viewpoint like we do, and that this is an opinion of someone who hopefully can be changed only by civil actions.

...............................................

Filipinos.....*make me puke* (Art Bell)

As we've all come to notice, in the past few decades, Filipinos have begun to infest the United States like some sort of disease. Their extensive involvement in the U.S. Armed Forces is proof of the trashy kind of qualities all filipinos tend to exhibit on a regular basis. You can see this clearly by studying the attitudes and cultural Icons of most Filipino Americans.

Origins of Pinoys/Pinays:

Are they really asian? Well we've come to accept the fact the filipinos come from a part of the world known as South East Asia. But the term "Asia" is used in the wrong way. You may notice that contemporary Filipino Americans try very hard to associate themselves with groups that we know as Asian. I cannot count the number of times I have seen a 'Third World' Filipino try to connect themselves to the chinese or Japanese people. There is no connection and here's why. The Philippines is a Third World country. Nothing respectable has EVER been created by Filipino people during our entire human history. Young filipino men in America have become obsessed with "import racing". They have an enormously perverted affection for Japanese cars. It's a common phenomenon. In their minds, these Filipinos somehow believe that they are asian and that it somehow connects them to Japanese people and japanese cars. They often take credit for the ingenuity of Japanese people and say how it's an "Asian
thing". This term..."Asian thing" derived directly from African American slang "black thang". "It's a black thang." "It's an asian thang."

You can see the connection. It's even funnier that, in Japan, Filipinos are heavily discriminated against. The only filipinos that can live successfully in Japan are the filipino prostitutes. But that's the case for most Filipino people no matter where they live in the world. Now we've come down to this fact...and it is a fact.

Nothing in Filipino Culture can be seen as Asian.

They have no architectural, artistic, or cultural influence which is in ANY way, asian. Thinking of the great countries in Asia such as Japan, Korea, and China there is no way you can possibly connect the Philippine Islands. This assault by filipino americans to connect themselves with the great peoples of North East Asia is foul and disgusting. Try visiting a young filipino's web site too.

You'll see something called the "Asian IRC Ring". It has to do with the chatrooms. The most horrible thing about this is that these TRASHY people are trying to associate themselves with Asia again!! People in Asia don't act like this at all. What we are seeing here is the natural Filipino in its element with full access to technology and this is how they act! You will consistently see this behavior over and over again.

Another interesting thing is that these "thirdworld" people also frequent RC chatrooms such as #chinese #japan and #asian. They must believe that they are somehow related racially or culturally to North Asians. But it's completely WRONG! There might have been some distant contact With China and even less with Japan during World War II, but these people are actually more closely related to african americans and Mexican americans.

Do the parents of these young filipinos know what's going on? Would they accept this? I believe that they would and do. This is the natural "Trash" element in filipinos manifesting itself. Nothing good has ever come from Philippines and I don't believe anything good ever will.

Recognizing your Roots (A Message to Filipinos). To all filipino people:

Please recognize your ROOTS! You come from the Third World! You country is a disgusting and filthy place. Most people there live in poverty! Your culture has MUCH MORE SPANISH influence than chinese, and absolutely no JAPANESE influence whatsoever. People in Japan and China, do not act like you. They do not constantly talk about sex and they have a MUCH HIGHER level of RESPECT for each other. There is NO WAY that you can connect yourself to Asia other than location.

Your culture and technological advancement does not even come CLOSE to What Chinese, people have done in the past and what Japanese and Korean people are doing now! Everything you do is distinctly filipino. You cannot take credit for Japanese cars, video games, or Hentai! It's not an "asian thing" it's an "American thing". You have no concept of culture...no concept of asian ideas or asian philosophy! Can you demonstrate how you use Confucianism or Taoism in you everyday life?? You can't. And you will NEVER be able to.

I understand that you are trying to create an identity for yourselves as young people... but it is NOT related to Asia. Your Identity is Filipino.

That's all you are. Just Filipino. Think about what that means....

Did You Know...

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)

(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Do not try this at home. Maybe at work.)

The male pray mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

(30 minutes... lucky pig. can you imagine??)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmmmm........)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

(OK, so that would be a good thing....................)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.

(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.

(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.

(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(What about that pig??)

Pinoy applicant at Wal-Mart

Author of this story is unknown.

A FILIPINO APPLIES FOR A JOB AT WAL-MART.

An office manager was given the task to hire someone to fill a job opening -- a greeter. He decided to
interview four people: an American, a Russian, an Australian, and a Filipino, named Eleuterio.

He called the four in and asks them only one question. Their answer would decide who gets the job.

As the four sat around the conference table, the interviewer asked,

"What is the fastest thing you know?"

The American, replied, “A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A THOUGHT is the fastest thing I know."

"That's very good!" said the interviewer.

"And now you sir?" he asked the Russian.

"Hmm.... let me see. A Blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know."

"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed."

He then turned to the Australian who was contemplating his reply.

"Well, out at my dad's ranch, on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out
across the pasture, the light in the barn comes on.
Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he thought.

Turning to Eleuterio, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question.

The Pinoy replied, "Apter hering da 3 preybyus ansers, sir, et's obyus to me dat the pastest thing is
Diarrhea."

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response. The others were already giggling on their
seats...

"Oh, I can expleyn, sir," said Eleuterio. "You see, sir, da ader day my tummy was peeling bad and so I run so fast to the CR, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON DA LIGHT, 'tang ina, sir, I had
alreydi shit in my pants!"

Eleuterio is now the new "Greeter" at Wal-Mart.

Break muna

A Filipino, a German and a Pakistani got arrested consuming alcohol
which is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia , so for the terrible crime
they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip.


As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced : "It's
my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of
you one wish before your whipping."

The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said :
"Please tie a pillow to my back."

This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had to
be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.


The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said
smugly : "Please fix two pillows to my back."

But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the Pakistani was also
led away whimpering loudly.


The Filipino was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the
Sheikh turned to him and said : "You are from one of most beautiful part
of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For
this, you may have two wishes!"

"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," the Filipino
replied.

"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not
20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also
very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face.

"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.

"And what is your second wish, ?" the Sheik asked.

Filipino smiled and said, "Tie the Pakistani to my back" !!!


************ ****** The End ************ ******

"TEACHER : Class draw a fish..!
CLASS : Yes ma'am!
TEACHER : Pedro, why is ur drawing very dirty..?
PEDRO : Ma'am, bagoong po yan."


"Pulis at Intsik :
Pulis : boss konting abuloy lang, may namatay na pulis.
Intsik : ako malaki migay amuloy masta alaw-alaw melon pulis paktay
oke.."


"PASYENTE : Dok. . . Ninenerbyos po ako! First operation ko po ito. . .
DOK : Alam ko ang nararamdaman mo. . .Kasi ikaw rin ang una kong
pasyente"


Tanga : kamusta yung exam mo.
Bobo : wala ako nasagutan, blanko yung papel ko. Ikaw?
Tanga : naku, blangko din yung papel ko, baka sabihin ni titser,
nagkopyahan tayo


"WIFE : maghiwalay na tayo!
MAN : ok,akin ang bahay!
WIFE : akin ang farm!
MAN : akin ang kotse!
WIFE : ah pero akin driver
MAN : pwes, magkakamatayan tyo, MATAGAL NA SIYANG AKIN!"


"Mrs : hoy!Tama na yang beer mo masyado ka magastos
Mr : Ikaw make-up mo ang magastos
Mrs : Nagpapaganda ako para syo
Mr : Ako umiinom naman para gumanda ka!"


"May bagong kasal :
MRS : Honey malapit na tayong maging 3 dito sa bahay
MR : Talaga honey? Pinasaya mo ako sa balita mo
MRS : Oo dito na titira ang nanay ko!"


REPORTER : Sir, kung wala po kayong evidence, witness or suspect ano na
po ang next step ninyo??
Police : DNA na...
REPORTER : sir, ano po yung DNA ???
Police : "Di Namin Alam "


"Man1 : Away kami ni misis, nag-Historical siya
Man2 : Pare baka ang ibig mo sabihin ay nag-Hysterical
Man1 : Hinde, historical kasi inungkat lahat ng kasalanan ko!"


A black baby is given a pair of wings by a fairy..
BABY : Does this mean I am an angel???
FAIRY : (laughs) of course not! tong negrang to! ambisyosa! PANIKI ka!!


In a party, a handsome guy approached a girl and asked; are you going to
dance??
The girl felt so happy that someone finally asked her and she said;
"yes" and the guys said "that's good, can I have your chair??"


"Naglalakad ang mag-ama, nakakita ng eroplano
ANAK : Tay ! Krus! Ang laking krus!
TATAY(Binatukan ang anak) : Nakita mo ng krus eh! Lumuhod tayo!"


Employee : boss pwede ba ako nalang ang papalit dun pwesto sa manager
natin na kamamatay lang?
Boss : ok lang sa akin na ikaw ang pumalit sa kanya, ewan ko lang kung
papayag ang punerarya : )


bobo1 : Pare, alam mo ba tawag sa paniki na mababa ang lipad?
bobo2 : hindi eh! ano ba pare?
bobo1 : Lowbat pare! Lowbat!

Boy : Nay! Muntik na ako maging top one sa klase!
Nanay : Bat mo naman nasabi?
Boy : Ini-announce kasi kanina yung top one sa klase. Ang tinuro ni ma'am
yung katabi ko. Muntik na ako!

Bush visited the Philippines and Erap acted as his translator :
Bush : "Lets help one another..."
Erap : "Tayo'y magtulungan. .."
Bush : "...let's strive together..."
Erap : "...tayo'y magsikap..."
Bush : "...because in union there is strength."
Erap : "...dahil sa sibuyas may titigas!"

Bongbong -- Pare sinong idol mo?
Chavit--Si Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Bongbong-- Sige nga, spell Schwarzenegger.
Chavit --Hindi, joke lang pare, si Jet Li talaga idol ko.

Erap writing on a slum book :
Favorite Actor :
Arnold Scharzene... ... (erase)
Arnold Schwarze... ... (erase)
Arnold Schwarzz... ... (erase)
Arnold Shwazenne... . ..(erase)
Arnold Shwazenner.. . ..(erase)
Arnold Shwarzenneg. . ..(erase)
Arnold Schchwarzenne. .. (erase)
Arnold Clavio

Pare 1 : Pre, nasusuka ako kaya lang di ako masuka

Pare 2 : Madali lang yan, pre ~ sundutin mo tonsils mo (pare 1 sinundot ang tonsils ..)

Pare 1 : Di pa rin e Pare 2 : Hmmmmm ... sundutin mo pwet mo (pare 1 sinundot
ang pwet ...)

Pare 1 : Wala pa rin

Pare 2 : Ngayon, tsaka mo ule isundot sa bibig mo ... pag hindi ka pa masuka nyan ewan ko na!

Sa isang ospital...
Lola (may cancer) : Doc, anong gagawin nyo sa akin?
Doc : Che-chemo, lola.
Lola : Titi mo rin! Bastos ka! walang modo!

Holduper : Pili ka, wallet mo o pasabugin utak mo?
Biktima : Ikaw na bahala..bastaa pareho po yan walang laman!

Pare1 : Pare, bat naman hanggang ngayon wala ka pang syota? wala ka pa
bang napupusuan?
Pare2 : Meron.. Manhid ka lang!
(nyahahahaha! )

Sa isang mumurahing airline :
Stewardess : Sir, would you like some dinner?
Passenger : Ano ba ang mga choices?
Stewardess : 'Yes' or 'No' lang po.

6 reasons not to take children to the Zoo (Too Funny)!

IF WOMEN CONTROLLED THE WORLD

I know you will love this one!

There was once a man and woman who had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he
opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $25,000. He asked her about the contents.

"When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage ! was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll." The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears.

Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

"Honey," he said, "that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?" "Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling all the dolls.

Women will love this... A Prayer.
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods; because Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.

Letters to God

Click the picture for a bigger view.

A love story

Jack and Diane - A Love Story They'd known each other since their school days and had since become the best of friends. They shared everything and anything and spent lots of time together in and after school. But the friendship never developed into anything deeper.

Diane kept a secret: her admiration and love for Jack. She had her reasons for keeping it a secret. FEAR. Fear of rejection... fear that he might not feel the same... fear that he might not want to be her best friend anymore... fear of losing someone that she could always find comfort in. At least if she kept her feelings to herself she would still be able to spend time with him... and hopefully, he would be the one to tell her how he felt towards her.

Time passed, and soon school was over.

Jack and Diane went separate ways. Jack continued his studies overseas, while Diane got herself a job. They still kept in touch though... penned letters, sent each other photographs, and mailed each other gifts. Diane longed for Jack to be back.

She decided that she would tell him her feelings once he got back. And then out of the blue... the mails from Jack stopped coming. Diane wrote to him, but there was never a reply. Where was he? What happened? Lots of questions ran through her mind...

Two years passed and Diane was still hopeful that Jack would come back... or at least send her a note. And then her prayers were answered. One mid-August day, she received a note from Jack. It said:

Diane, I have a surprise for you. I'm flying over. Meet me at the airport. My flight comes in at 4pm on Saturday. I can't wait to see you again! There's something I need to tell you, something I've been keeping inside all this time.

Love & Kisses,
Jack

Diane's fingers shook as she read the note. Her heart soared. Diane was thrilled. Love and kisses... it meant a lot for a lady who had waited so long for those words. She was ecstatic!

The day arrived, and Diane waited anxiously for Jack. She had slipped into her best dress, and did her best to look as pretty as she could. She looked around... but Jack was nowhere in sight. She waited and waited, wondering what she would say to Jack when he got there, what their meeting would be like. Would there be love in his eyes? Would there be longing, bred from years of separation and hiding each others' feelings?

Oh, how she longed to see him! How she longed to throw her arms around him and tell him she was a fool to ever let him go without ever telling him how she felt! And she was certain Jack felt it too. There was always a certain magic about them when they were together.

Then a lady in a sexy, tight, blue dress approached her. She had a very concerned look on her face, "Hi! I'm Lynn, a friend of Jack. Are you Diane?" she asked. Diane just nodded her head.

"I'm afraid I... I have bad news for you. Jack is not coming... he won't be coming back
anymore," said the lady, placing a hand on Diane's shoulder. Diane shook her head in confusion. She felt her heart constrict.

What could possibly have happened? Diane felt an overwhelming fear inside her. Her hands turned cold. Her voice shook as she asked:

"Where... where's Jack? What happened to him? Please tell me..."

Diane begged the lady...

The lady looked intently at Diane... and then she gave Diane a nudge on the shoulder and said...





"HOY GAGA! IT'S ME, JACK... JACKILYN!! DI MO VAH AKO NAKILALA?! ANG GANDA-GANDA KO NGAYON, DI VAAAAH?! ECHUSERA KA NAMAN MASYADO SISTER!
KAKALOKA KAH HUH!! TEKA, SANDALI... MEET MY 'PAPA'!!"

Days of Our Lives